Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
