There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
