when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
