Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
