Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
