Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
