i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
