Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
