Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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