I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
