yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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