if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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