What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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