nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
