It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
