How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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