I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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