Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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