so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
