Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
