I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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