Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
