I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
