my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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