You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
