And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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