If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
