We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
BRING THE BAGELS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
