He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
