Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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