i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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