Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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