I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
