I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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