yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
