When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
