Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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