There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
