that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
