I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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