just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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