Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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