When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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