hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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