I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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