peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
