i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
