At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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