It was confusing and full of hummus
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
