he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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