We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
