I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
