Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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