Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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