dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
