my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
