what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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