I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize