We're facebook friends in real life
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
