Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
