the condom got lost in my hair
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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