no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
