just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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