it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
