Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize