Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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