i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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