They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You did what with his pubic hair?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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