i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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