just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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