Already got asked if we're dating
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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