I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize