I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
