It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
