He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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