plz talk dirty to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
